Gennady Golovkin & Canelo Alvarez – Are They Actually Human?

Great boxers come and go, often rising to the top of their game and lifting various title belts, before sauntering into retirement or slipping into obscurity. While they are around, some of them even treat us to memorable bouts, outstanding fight records, and maybe even some smack-talk to turn up the heat a little.

Then you have Saul ‘Canelo’ Alvarez and Gennady ‘Triple G’ Golovkin. Both are outstanding boxers and have even fought each other twice, although we’re not entirely convinced that either of them is actually human. Read about either of their fights, maybe watch some footage of bouts against other opponents. They don’t understand the concept of defeat.

Gennady Golovkin

While most professional boxers are made of flesh and blood, just like we are, there’s a growing suspicion that Golovkin wasn’t born like most humans. Although we don’t have any physical proof to the contrary, it’s entirely possible he was actually hewn from a granite quarry in Kazakhstan, dressed in shorts and boxing gloves, then told to go fight.

Here’s a tip: the next time you’re looking at boxing betting odds for upcoming fights, if Golovkin happens to be amongst those on the schedule, don’t wager on him hitting the canvas. He never has in 43 professional fights, and probably never will, simply because his entire body appears to be made of stone, especially his chin.

Never mind the ‘Triple G’ nickname that endears him to fans, he should be renamed Gennady ‘Granite’ Golovkin instead. Don’t be fooled by the smiling face or goading rival boxers to punch him in the face. That never works, and those poor unfortunate saps have more chance of hurting their fists than ever knocking this rock-solid guy on his backside.

Canelo Alvarez

Believe it or not, this guy actually fought Golovkin twice and avoided losing on both occasions, drawing the first bout, then winning the second. That said, Saul ‘Canelo’ Alvarez couldn’t manage to floor the man made of granite, which brings us to the choice of nickname. Who chooses to name themselves after a soft, edible twig? [Ed: It’s the colour of his hair.]

Well, okay, silly ring name aside, it’s hard to believe that Alavez is entirely human. In fact, we’re convinced he might actually be a robot sent from the future, disguised in a Mexican body. You know, a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator movies. Why? Because this guy has such a fearsome and powerful counterpunch, it’s like there’s a mechanical piston in his arm.

Not only that, think about the fact that Alvarez has fought with ease in multiple weight divisions. Then cast your mind back to him fighting Floyd Mayweather Jr. back in 2013, a rival who could actually be made of gold bullion, instead of muscle and bone. That bout went the distance and while Alvarez lost, he still managed to walk out of the ring. He’s a robot, for sure.

Superhuman Boxers

Although you might want to take our theories with a grain of salt, it’s hard to argue that both of these fighters appear to have superhuman attributes. Whether it’s the ability to defy logic and evade hitting the floor, no matter the punishment, before demonstrating their own punching power, we’ll certainly be looking forward to the next time Alvarez or Golovkin get inside the ring.