WWE is struggling to stay relevant. They are so out of touch with what fans want that they are scrambling to do something, anything to make people watch again. They pulled the “Brand Split” card again and that alone should tell you how ignorant they are in terms of what we want to see. Using the word “Brand” in something is insane in itself and pretty bold. We don’t want to hear corporate terms, WWE. We want wrestling and we want realistic characters. Yes, the Attitude era is cool to talk about, but it had its share of flaws. Still, the characters were extensions of themselves and the writers weren’t corporate tools who bowed down to Vince McMahon if he even looked at them wrong. It’s time for Kevin Dunn the producer, McMahon who writes everything anyone says on TV, and the rest of the executives to let wrestling boom again. Alas, it will not anytime soon.

These five gimmicks really foreshadowed WWE’s disconnection with us and prove once and for all why every McMahon should remove themselves from the production of the show. It’s not a sitcom or drama in conventional terms you dolts!

Number freaking one:

Deuce and Domino, a “greaser” tag team debuted in 2007 on Friday Night Smackdown. They were a combination of John Trovolta, Andrew “Dice” Clay, and a full bottle of cheese induced monkey piss. They had a Pink Lady type valet on roller skates and a car to boot since back then WWE thought cars driving in to the arena meant ratings. Alberto Del Rio and JBL thanks for that….

They were corny, out of place, and the fans did not embrace them at all.

Number freaking two:

Kizarny also debuted in 2007 under a WWE developmental contract and he stunk up the joint like a garbage sandwich sitting in dog poop baked in the sun for ten hours. Look at MVP’s face at the beginning and tell me he doesn’t speak for all of us about this gimmick. He was a carny, meaning a creepy carnival worker, that somehow WWE thought would make him a solid star. Think about that…Vince McMahon approved this..and we wonder why WWE is in trouble.

Number freaking three:

Simon Dean was the epitome of everything wrong with WWE in the early 2000’s after the Attitude Era started to weaken. He debuted in 2004 as a fitness guru. Nothing says pro wrestling like an over the top, bland caricature brought to life like Victor Frankenstein on a three day tequila binge. He had a Segway. He had some Fruity Pebbles light blue colored jump suit on. He was Vince McMahon’s failing intellect and increasing disconnection with the audience all rolled in to one crappy gimmick.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGgC1bRiQYk

Number freaking four:

Bo Dallas is the brother of Bray Wyatt. Both are blue chip performers, but only one got a decent gimmick. You figure it out. Dallas was a patronizing positive speaker douche bag who just didn’t click with the WWE Universe. He had absolutely nothing going for him after three weeks of the same shtick that fell flatter each time it was aired on TV. They need to assimilate him in to the Wyatt family with Bray telling him that his “little experiment” and “joke” is over and it’s time for his brother to come home. Otherwise, Dallas’s career will be more mishandled than Bray’s has been.

Number freaking five:

Roman Reigns is everything wrong with Vince McMahon at the helm. He never evolved from his Shield days with Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose, and the doofus still uses their music. He is a big guy who wears what looks to be a twelve year old’s 1980’s lazer tag vest made of craft foam and white paste, and it just looks ludicrous. His gimmick is actually just sucking at suff. He is so bad that it was recently discovered that Vince McMahon himself sent Reigns back to the past so he could be the first man launched into space. Reigns, got up there, and sucked so bad he turned space in to the airless vacuum we know it as today. John Cena and Roman Reigns have the gimmick of having no gimmick other than to sell merchandise.

The difference between Cena and Roman is that Cena is at least passable on the mic. Reigns…well, just watch.

BONUS: Looney Tunes themed video of Roman’s ATROCIOUS promo work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z55UrEEooh8

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