Dumb Criminal Fail of the Week, 5 today

do_the_derp_640_34Five quick stories in this episode of Dumb Criminal Fail of the Week. Enjoy!

1. An 11 year old in Spain staged a fake kidnapping just to avoid a parent-teacher conference. He sent a text message to his father alerting him that he’d been kidnapped while taking out the trash. His father just happens to be police officer, who sent out a search all the way into Portugal. It turns out that the little actor was just hiding out at another house his family owned. Needless to say, the conference never happened.

2. It’s not official ‘till it hits Facebook, right? There’s no science homework unless someone writes a whiny status. They’re not dating until make-out pictures gack up your news feed. And, of course, someone is your friend if, and only if, you click “confirm”.

This rule even applies to criminals! A young man in Kentucky might’ve been going through a dry spell with his girlfriend, so they spent a wild night siphoning gas from a police car. She took a picture of him flipping off the camera in the act and stuck it on Facebook, because that’s the kind of classy couple they are. According to WKYT, the boyfriend claimed he had not actually taken gas from the car. When investigated further, he said he had “tried but there wasn’t much in it”. He ended up spending a night in jail, sans the f*ck-you flip-flops.

3. One Atlanta afternoon, a man called 911 after hearing cries from his neighbor’s house. The police arrived to find a young man stuck in the chimney, apparently trying to rob the house. According to AJC, he had apparently been stuck there since 3 am the previous morning. I guess he could use some elf-training.

4. According to NewsOK, a man of 72 was charged of calling 911 numerous times making crude comments at the operators. Police eventually arrived at his home, and the man inquired as to whether he was being arrested or not. Like, no, it’s totally cool to have sexy-phone-time with our emergency response system. Please, tell me more.

5. One criminal known as the “Sticky Note Bandit” got caught because she parked her car in a handicapped zone while committing one of her crimes, according to KCRA.

The scheme worked like this. The “bandit” and one of her accomplices would sneak a note onto a cashier’s register saying something to the effect of “Kathryn is owed a refund” for a certain amount. Then the woman would go in the store claiming to be the woman on the note to whom the store owed her money. Her scheme could be considered brilliant if her intellect didn’t get in the way.

Police spotted her vehicle parked in a handicapped zone and when they went to cite her, they recognized her name from a local “Most Wanted” list. “Most Stupid” is more like it.

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