Ask Trigg: Why do men cheat?

‘Ask Trigg’

A Relationship Advice Blog for Women

One of MMA’s most recognized personalities dishes on love and the male psyche in “Ask Trigg – A Dating and Relationship Blog for Women” featured exclusively on ProMMANow.com (www.prommanow.com). Every Wednesday the mixed martial arts fighter, color commentator and MMA spokesman will give his advice to female fans based on questions they have submitted. 

In this entertaining and insightful blog, Trigg will share stories and reflect on love lessons he has learned as he guides readers through the complex world of dating and relationships. Frank Trigg has dated over 300 women and was married twice before finding “The One.” He married his high school sweetheart, his college sweetheart and is now happily married to the true love of his life. 

Trigg has learned many valuable lessons as a result of his relationship experiences and for years has been the “go-to guy” for relationship advice among his friends and peers. Trigg would now like to share his insight with fans and hopes to help the ladies better understand men. Ladies can send their dating and relationship questions to [email protected].

Question of the Week:

“Why do men cheat even if they are in a good relationship and how can a women prevent it from happening?”

First of all, it’s not the relationship, it’s the guy. Just because you think the relationship is good, doesn’t mean it is. The one thing I consistently talk about in my blog is that communication is the key to a lasting relationship.

When it comes to communication, you have to realize that just because one person in the relationship is talking and trying to communicate, doesn’t mean their partner understands what is being said (even if they are truly listening.)

If one person in the relationship is not fully paying attention or does not understand what the other is trying to say, the words just fall on deaf ears. What is being said typically means a lot more than what is actually being heard.

For instance, just because a man tells you he’s hungry, doesn’t mean he wants a steak, he may want pizza and wings. What I’m trying to say is that you need to understand what your man really needs.

In my opinion, and from what I’ve seen some of my friends go through, most men stray because they aren’t treated like the “man” of the relationship… Those men need affirmation that they are still the man that they were before they committed to the relationship. A lot of men go into a relationship with the mentality that they are the man of the house, but after time they don’t feel like they are.

Here is an example – Sometimes the woman in the relationship is the main bread winner, but just because he’s not the main (or sole) provider doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to contribute. He could (and most likely would) contribute more to the household if you allowed him too.

There are a lot of very career oriented women out there and there is nothing wrong with that, but let a man be a man, let him take care of certain things (even if you know that you can take care of them yourself.) A man wants to be the man and take care of the woman in some capacity, even if it isn’t necessarily bringing home the bacon…and most importantly let him know that you appreciate him.

You can give a man sex, vacations and gifts, everything he asks for… but if you’re providing it just for the sake of providing it, it’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you can give too much materially but not enough emotionally.

In a relationship you have to have boundaries. In this day and age the roles of men and women in a relationship are very blurred. Some guys want to be stay at home dads, some guys prefer to work full time….every guy is different. You need to know what your man wants…and you both need to be comfortable with it.

The other side to the coin is that your man may just be a cheater. If that’s the way he is and the way he’s always been, he will most likely do it for the rest of his life. He would have to make drastic changes (and not just changes that you want him to make.) They are changes that he must realize he needs to make as a cheater (changes that he wants to make.)

If you enter into a relationship with a cheater, why expect otherwise? In most cases the writing is on the wall…pay attention to it and do what is right (and healthy) for you.

It all comes down to this – You MUST have a high level of communication. Not only do you have to hear your partner, you have to understand what they are saying.

That’s it for this week. Remember ladies, send your questions to [email protected].