The State of the Warhammer Address – Preamble

Hello America,

This is Josh “The Warhammer” Schockman bringing you the “State of the Warhammer Address”. What exactly is the “State of the Warhammer Address” you ask, well I’ll tell you. It’s where I get on this little miracle we call the Internet and tell you just exactly what’s up according to me. So sit back, shut up, and listen up, cause I’m about to say some real ridiculous stuff. The most hilarious part is it’s all true… according to me anyway.

So I’m hanging out on the computer surfing the web after class at the gym. It’s something that I like to do on the reg, you know, to wind down and stuff. So I come to a particular web site that I frequent with a lot of MMA-related info on it and I see this article about Anderson Silva. It’s a video article with several different video segments on it from various sources. So I’m like, cool I’ll check it out and wow, some serious exaggerating going on up in here.

The first segment is from some show in Canada so automatically I know it’s garbage. I mean seriously you can’t believe anything a Canadian says unless it involves ice hockey or maple syrup. In this case neither come up so its instantly not reliable.

So they get Anderson in an interview and ask him some simple questions like, “What do you find impressive about Georges St. Pierre and B.J. Penn’s game?” Anderson’s response was, “There’s not anything in particular that’s super impressive about them. I think they are great fighters, all fighters have their strong points and their weak points.”

Then they switch over to some chump that they refer to as “show down Joe” and he gets on and starts in by saying “I’m surprised that Anderson said that GSP and B.J. Penn have nothing to offer. “This “show down Joe” guy is so full of garbage, I mean come on! This guy is going out of his way to spin a story to make Anderson Silva sound “arrogant” and “controversial.”¬†Way to give us that breaking news that doesn’t even exist, big ups to “show down Joe” and the Canadian media.

It was then that I realized Canada was trying to demonize Anderson Silva and ruin his rep. Everyone knows that Canadians are out to rule the world and take over MMA. They manufactured GSP in a lab and now they are out to ruin Anderson Silva’s image. Well, leave it up to the Warhammer to blow the lid off the whole thing.

Oh you want proof that GSP was genetically manufactured in a lab, well here it is, Canadians can’t wrestle!

Then they go to the UFC 94 post-fight coverage and once again some Canadian chump asks GSP what he thinks of Anderson, and GSP just says that he thinks Anderson is an impressive fighter. It was the obvious response that a genetically manufactured super human would give. I have a little news flash for “show down Joe” and the rest of the chumps in the Canadian media, any fighter that’s any good will tell you that Anderson Silva is a world class fighter and has a very impressive skill set.

Then they go to UFC 101 and show B.J. Penn hugging Anderson, and Anderson says that B.J. is the best. So now I’m wondering how Canadian television and “show down Joe” would translate this one. Come on guys, spin it up, SHOW ME THE CONTROVERSY!

If you think the Warhammer didn’t trust those shifty Canadians before, you got to know I really don’t trust those flannel wearing log-choppers now. So then they go to some more footage of the fighter Canada loves to hate and he is asked about who he feels is the best pound for pound fighter and he says, “I don’t think there is a best.”

Then some trouble-making Canadian butts in and starts name dropping. He starts in with Fedor, Anderson says no. Then he starts in with GSP, you think he’s better, and Anderson says no again. Then that sniffling rat Canadian says well what about B.J. So then Anderson gets sick of his loaded question session and says maybe.

I gotta say Anderson is a lot more patient than the Warhammer. I would have punched that purse wearing moose lover in his mouth and told him if he doesn’t like it to go call a mountee.

It’s my job as the Warhammer to tell the world about this and I’m doing it. Sorry to undermine your plans Canada but you’ll have to do better than that! Its not going down on my watch and don’t worry Anderson, I got your back.

This is the Warhammer and this has been… “The State of the Warhammer”.

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