I love comic books especially when they are done right like the graphic novels Kingdom Come, Red Son, and The Walking Dead. There are some characters that should never have been brought to light – never. When I was a kid I probably thought these were cool at one point, and I think we all might have to be honest. PMN takes a look at the 10 absolute lamest comic book characters ever crapped out of an artist’s pen.
10. Asbestos Lady
Here is Marvel’s official description:
The Asbestos Lady was a gifted scientist who designed a flameproof costume from asbestos and wielded a flame-thrower and guns that fired asbestos-lined bullets.
PMN’s:
This chick wanted to get lung cancer so bad she made a suit from asbestos. She had a gun that shot flames only with bullets that were a fire retardant. That’s like using a condom with a hole in it.
9. Squirrel Girl
Marvel’s official description:
Enhanced strength, speed, agility, and reflexes; small claws and enlarged incisors; retractable knuckle spike; semi-prehensile tail; empathic bond with squirrels, like Monkey Joe and Tippy Toe, can communicate with squirrels.
PMN’s:
Some guy sat down after procrastinating for 364 days about producing a new character for the boss. So, in his moment of rushed genius he decided the most formidable opponent for any villain would be a rabbit, but since Yusagi Yojimbo existed he was stumped. After watching the reflection from his TV in the bathroom mirror of Rocky and Bullwinkle and seeing a talking squirrel from the comfort of his porcelain throne, it came to him as he squeezed one out. Let’s give this chick squirrel powers and the rest was history.
8. ScrProty
Proty was a shapeshifter that just hapened to look like the sack of a 70 year old man. He couldn’t speak, but he could shapeshift in to anything he wanted. He should have transformed in to something that didn’t suck.
7. Arm Fall Off Boy
Here’s how this came about in our heads:
EDITOR: Johnny, you haven’t given me anything worth a damn in years.
JOHNNY: I’m sorry boss.
EDITOR: Sorry isn’t going to cut it anymore. I want a new character or Vinny here rips off your arms.
JOHNNY: That’s it. A superhero that can remove his own arms.
EDITOR: Nailed it.
6. The Fiddler
DC Wikia’s official take on this turd:
The Fiddler is a super-villain and enemy to the Flash who uses hypnotic music to commit crimes. His violin allows him to control people’s minds. He has been a member of the Black Lantern Corps, the Crime Champions, the Injustice Society and the Secret Six. Following his death during Villains United, the female Virtuoso became his successor.
PMN’s:
DC decided that they wanted to break new ground with a musical super hero, but since the Pied Piper already existed they said screw it. the decision was made to take a Beethoven clone and slap a violin in his hands. Like no one could see the mind control coming. Have you ever watched how long it takes for a good violinist to actually get in the set position to play. And his arch-nemesis was The Flash. Herp derp.
5. NFL Super Pro
We just…I mean…..it’s a guy that…His power was being good at marketing? This was a short lived comic. Apparently, the NFL player survived a freak accident and wore a nearly indestructible uniform.Writer Fabian Nicieza admitted he wrote the story to gain free NFL tickets. He stated that he still receives flak for his comic.
4. Codpiece
I’m going out on a limb here and saying that this is my fellow writer Gary Thomas’s favorite villain. I mean look at the concentration, enjoy the clenched fist, and the impressive stance. He has it all and if you notice the other two characters in the picture are women. Yeah, he’s a pimp with a machine love gun.
3. The Blue Snowman
This guy was a villain who squared off against Wonder Woman. Mr. Freeze has nothing on the Blue Snowman, nothing. The Blue Snowman is a female scientist who disguises herself as a man to commit crimes. Using a telescopic snow ray, she can create blue snow that she uses to paralyze her victims. She has been a member of the Ice Pack and Villainy, Inc. She can also suck harder than all of the other people on the list except number one.
1. Eyes Scream
This dude for real, I mean for really real, his power is to turn in to any flavor ice cream imaginable. This guy actually was featured in an X-men comic trying to infiltrate the mansion, but in a bizarre twist a clown named Obnoxio was there to help the X-men stop him by, you guessed it, freezing him.
Do you agree with our list.
what happened to #2?