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The State of the Warhammer Address – Preamble

Hello America,

This is Josh “The Warhammer” Schockman bringing you the “State of the Warhammer Address”. What exactly is the “State of the Warhammer Address” you ask, well I’ll tell you. It’s where I get on this little miracle we call the Internet and tell you just exactly what’s up according to me. So sit back, shut up, and listen up, cause I’m about to say some real ridiculous stuff. The most hilarious part is it’s all true… according to me anyway.

So I’m hanging out on the computer surfing the web after class at the gym. It’s something that I like to do on the reg, you know, to wind down and stuff. So I come to a particular web site that I frequent with a lot of MMA-related info on it and I see this article about Anderson Silva. It’s a video article with several different video segments on it from various sources. So I’m like, cool I’ll check it out and wow, some serious exaggerating going on up in here.

The first segment is from some show in Canada so automatically I know it’s garbage. I mean seriously you can’t believe anything a Canadian says unless it involves ice hockey or maple syrup. In this case neither come up so its instantly not reliable.

So they get Anderson in an interview and ask him some simple questions like, “What do you find impressive about Georges St. Pierre and B.J. Penn’s game?” Anderson’s response was, “There’s not anything in particular that’s super impressive about them. I think they are great fighters, all fighters have their strong points and their weak points.”

Then they switch over to some chump that they refer to as “show down Joe” and he gets on and starts in by saying “I’m surprised that Anderson said that GSP and B.J. Penn have nothing to offer. “This “show down Joe” guy is so full of garbage, I mean come on! This guy is going out of his way to spin a story to make Anderson Silva sound “arrogant” and “controversial.” Way to give us that breaking news that doesn’t even exist, big ups to “show down Joe” and the Canadian media.

It was then that I realized Canada was trying to demonize Anderson Silva and ruin his rep. Everyone knows that Canadians are out to rule the world and take over MMA. They manufactured GSP in a lab and now they are out to ruin Anderson Silva’s image. Well, leave it up to the Warhammer to blow the lid off the whole thing.

Oh you want proof that GSP was genetically manufactured in a lab, well here it is, Canadians can’t wrestle!

Then they go to the UFC 94 post-fight coverage and once again some Canadian chump asks GSP what he thinks of Anderson, and GSP just says that he thinks Anderson is an impressive fighter. It was the obvious response that a genetically manufactured super human would give. I have a little news flash for “show down Joe” and the rest of the chumps in the Canadian media, any fighter that’s any good will tell you that Anderson Silva is a world class fighter and has a very impressive skill set.

Then they go to UFC 101 and show B.J. Penn hugging Anderson, and Anderson says that B.J. is the best. So now I’m wondering how Canadian television and “show down Joe” would translate this one. Come on guys, spin it up, SHOW ME THE CONTROVERSY!

If you think the Warhammer didn’t trust those shifty Canadians before, you got to know I really don’t trust those flannel wearing log-choppers now. So then they go to some more footage of the fighter Canada loves to hate and he is asked about who he feels is the best pound for pound fighter and he says, “I don’t think there is a best.”

Then some trouble-making Canadian butts in and starts name dropping. He starts in with Fedor, Anderson says no. Then he starts in with GSP, you think he’s better, and Anderson says no again. Then that sniffling rat Canadian says well what about B.J. So then Anderson gets sick of his loaded question session and says maybe.

I gotta say Anderson is a lot more patient than the Warhammer. I would have punched that purse wearing moose lover in his mouth and told him if he doesn’t like it to go call a mountee.

It’s my job as the Warhammer to tell the world about this and I’m doing it. Sorry to undermine your plans Canada but you’ll have to do better than that! Its not going down on my watch and don’t worry Anderson, I got your back.

This is the Warhammer and this has been… “The State of the Warhammer”.

36 comments

  1. I just wanna know what you’re gonna do bout my food stamps Warhammer.

  2. This is quite possibibly the funniest article I have ever read… “Oh you want proof that GSP was genetically manufactured in a lab, well here it is, Canadians can’t wrestle!” That’s a classic line!! All rise for the War Hammer!!

  3. Have you been to the strip clubs in Canada? I think that they have us beat there but what’s up with their bacon?! That’s ham not bacon. Good job Josh.

  4. Sorry to break it to you but you are clearly a dip shit looking for attention…..

    Firstly, Showdown Joe Ferarro has been in the sport since you were a tadpole in your fathers coin purse. He is a legit journalist with access to to connections and is respected in his field. You however are in his rearview taking cheapshots at him from a web site that no one has ever even heard of in the hopes that you can get some exposure. That is why you will always be a nobody.

    Secondly, Canadian wrestlers are some of the best in the world and have the credentials to prove it. You watch too much Colbert Report and thinking that talking about syrup and bacon is gonna get you fans…..I got no legit information from your article and you didn’t even attempt to back up any of your retarded claims so I guess you fail as a journalist.

    Thirdly, if this crap is the type of typical stuff on your website….. you might wanna pack it up and go home cause there is no way you will ever be on anyones short list for MMA news. You just rambled on without any clear point and made a bunch of dumbass claims that make you look like a fool.

    The best part of this is that you are referencing http://www.mixedmartialarts.com and posted this on the forum. The members of that forum actually know MMA and can see that your article is nothing more than a infantile rant that would be expected from one of the notorious trolls that get torn up on a regular basis.

    Anyways good luck with your web site haha.

  5. Hey uhhh Mac… Warhammer isn’t a journalist, he’s a fighter douche nuts.

  6. well clearly he’s awesome at that too since I’ve never heard of him

  7. I bet you could fight him and find out.

  8. This isn’t fighting, this is public speaking….and if he can’t do it then he should do what he knows best and leave they keyboard alone.

    Writing ignorant offencive articles isnt a way to get fans as a fighter either…. so he’s not helping either career.

  9. You must be Canadian.

  10. I’m actually not….but I do business there from time to time and know lots of them.

    But I’ll take that as an admission of defeat…..you have nothing to say so I must be Canadian…..thanks for coming out.

    Sucks reolizing you’re wrong….but at least you didn’t write the article.

  11. well, im sure wherever you’re from satire will show up there sooner or later. There’s a show called Saturday Night Live that’s pretty good at it.

  12. Is that what you come here for? Satire? To me it looks like an MMA web site.

    Maybe we should leave the satire to the people who are in fact good at it. SNL has it covered.

  13. Clearly comedy and MMA go hand in hand… just look at Joe Rogan, Jose Canseco, Mark Pavelich

  14. You can’t be serious about that.

  15. yes mac it’s satire and it’s hilarious!

  16. Hey Mac, are you mad?

  17. Nah I’m not mad. As soon as I laid out how dumb it was, I put it behind me.

    Seems like a couple of you thought it was funny but that guy fails as a comedian….there wasn’t one joke in there. The writer just sounds like he got smacked around by a Canadian or something. He doesn’t sound remotely funny, just bitter and mad at Canada for some reason.

    The only joke here is that a web site would publish it.

  18. Captain frickin obvious

    I see whats going on here, its no secret. If you read what this guy that calls himself Mac wrote, amongst all the incorrect spelling, you will find that Mac is not Canadian…but his boyfriend is! You will also note that Mac makes the statement “Firstly, Showdown Joe Ferarro (actually spelled Ferraro) has been in the sport since you were a tadpole in your fathers coin purse.” Take note here of what our all knowing mma fan known as Mac is saying. A little interesting fact Mac, UFC 1 took place in 1993. The first PRIDE mma event took place in 1997. Do a little research on showdown Joe and you will discover his career started in 2000. The Warhammer was born in 1980, making him 13 when the first UFC event came out, 17 when PRIDE came out, and 20 when Joe Ferraro started his career. So now anyone reading this stuff with any intellegence has to ask the question, if the Warhammer was 13 when the UFC came out, 17 for PRIDE, and 20 for the start of Joe Ferraro then how could the Warhammer be a “tadpole in his dads coinpurse” when Joe started his career in a sport thats fairly new to Norht America. Its times like this when I, Captain fricken obvious, have to come out and point out some obvious facts like the one that screams from every entry you post Mac. MAC YOUR AN IDIOT!!!

    P.S. Mac if your gonna swing from some guys nuts you can at least spell his name right when your minding his stepchildren. Its Ferraro not Ferarro…queer bait.

  19. I tend to agree with Mac, so here is a list of great Canadian wrestlers to enlighten those who are in the dark.

    - Bret “Hitman” Hart
    - Owen Hart
    - Stu Hart
    - Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart
    - Trish Stratus
    - Alastair Ralphs
    - Robert Roode
    - “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
    - Chris “The Crippler” Benoit
    - Edge
    - Christian
    - Killer Kowalski
    - Ivan Koloff
    - Val Venis
    - “Y2J” Chris Jericho
    - Rick Martel
    - Lance Storm
    - Eric Young
    - Teddy Hart
    - El Generico
    - Vampiro
    - Santino Marella (yeah, he’s Candian)

    There you go, a long list of Canada’s great wrestling tradition. Only makes you wonder why GSP doesn’t use the Sharpshooter more often.

    Monster tard.

  20. wow, sounds like Mac got hit up with a dose of the truth. hey Mac if you could write an article anywhere besides like facebook or myspace, what would it be about. I bet it would be about how great socialized medicine in Canada is or about how you fantasize about kissing the first black president. Mac your gay!

  21. Dudessss haven’t you guys heard of Xtreme Canadian Wrestling – the XCW – they were doing Xtreme Wrestling in Canada when you were just a broken rubber in your daddy’s fanny pack
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h6so0gVfMg

  22. that was a great spectacle of wrestling, I mean wow!……and not a single spectator. I’m shocked really. I can’t believe that Mac didn’t show up while on one of his many business trips to Canada.

  23. Hey Mac does it suck when you “reolized” that you can’t spell. Was his article “offencive” to you. Does your boyfriends computer not have spell check or something, I mean whats up bro. All that talk about public speaking and staying off the keyboard if you can’t do it well. Seems to me you should take your own advice broseph.

  24. ive been trying to make my computer public speak ever since i read that but can’t find the damn key… anyone help with this?

  25. Mac will tell you I’m sure when he’s done minding showdown Joe’s stepchildren.

  26. lol I didn’t reolize I was talking to the Harvard English Department. Honestly if all you have to say after all that is some shit about my spelling?? Why bother typing at all. I couldn’t care less about how I spell on a web site comment field. Clearly you understood it yet failed to add anything worth reading.

    And Mr. Obvious over there seems to have some problem about my comment defending Showdown Joe….also of course my spelling of his name….but you failed to address the point that Joe is a real journalist and doesn’t give a flying fuck what this guy has to say.

    And since none of you have anything to say about that I’ll just assume you are “Warhammer” nuthuggers and are trying to come to your buddies defence. Unfortunately without really having anything relevant to add to the arguement, you just give a representation of the kind of ppl that frequent this site.

    And to the guy who made the list of pro wrestlers ….. you should be ashamed that you even know that many pro wrestlers. I’m sure those are some of your hero’s but compare that amount of guys to the amount of American pro wrestlers and I’m sure you’ll find the numbers to be slightly lopsided ….

    Aside from all the butthurt Warhammer fanboys in here…..does anyone else have anything to add?

    I’m not gonna keep coming back here forever because I have no reason to visit this web site…..so if anyone has anything to add of any relevance, feel free to chime in….Otherwise, I’m outta here.

    It’s been fun kids!

  27. “Unfortunately without really having anything relevant to add to the arguement, you just give a representation of the kind of ppl that frequent this site.” First off since when are you the authority of whats relevant to the arguments posted on here and second, you seem to frequent this site just as much as anyone else on here so what exactly are you trying to say. Everyone on here is clowning EVERYTHING that you post, down to your lack of spelling ability and your mad about it. The article clearly makes a joke out of the media figures that distort what Anderson Silva said. Its satire, its funny, and It makes a point. Best part is narrow minded, stuck up douche bags like you hate it. I bet you watch south park and get mad. Mac your an uptight fag. Bottom line is the article is hilarious and your mad cause no one cares about your gay ass opinion enough to ask and you have no place to post it except under the article writen by the Warhammer. STOP THE HATE!!

  28. He was a real big Lance Storm fan, thus the anger because his name was so far down the list.

    Are you mad because everyone’s styling on you? Though leaving a website that you have no reason to frequent, yet bothered to post on eight times, really drives your point home.

    What a douche nozzle.

  29. Captain fricken obvious

    Oh wow, according to Mac its only relevant when you say something that he agrees with. Your like one of those dumb asses that starts losing an argument and has nothing left to say that makes sense so you start calling everyone rascist. This guy DFW sounds more intellegent than you by just saying dumb article. He thinks its dumb, leaves a post, and leaves it at that. Mac your that guy that tries to hard to impress other people with your opinion and no one cares man. Your such a fag! your really on a chat room defending some Canadian reporter that you don’t even know, he distorts what Anderson Silva said in an interview, are you totally blind, def, and stupid man! You talk about “Joe is a real journalist and doesn’t give a flying fuck what this guy has to say.” if Joe doesn’t care then why do you, better question is why are you on here talking. If he doesn’t care and your his biggest fan that sucks him off daily, why are you on here. Did he send you here to fight his battles or did you just take it upon yourself seeing as your his official number one cum guzzler. Mac get a life. I speak for myself when I say I’m no Warhammer fanboy, not yet anyway. I just think this article is funny as hell and I hate reading the unimportant yammerings of faggits like Mac. Tell ya what Mac I hope the Warhammer gets on here and talks bad to you so I can laugh, but like all of us in the real world we know you don’t deserve to be dignified with a response. I’m sure the Warhammer has better things to do like your moms mouth.

  30. lol Josh you are too funny . Hell you done made Mr. Mac get all butt hurt over here ….

  31. Thanks for starting this Josh, all this was hilarious.

  32. Mac, it is obvious that you are indeed mad.

    It is possible that you are irate, or even, dare I say, furious!

  33. I’m not mad at all….to be honest I know Joe personally and thats why I straitened out the writer.

    As far as what all of you have to say….most of you are calling me gay in some way or another…..I really have nothing to say about that. I outline how an article sucks and then you assume I’m gay……You guys are clearly all brilliant.

    Joe didn’t distort anything. He asked Silva if he was impressed with GSP and BJ Penn (who are two of the top P4P fighters on the planet) and Silva said he wasnt impressed at all…..Thats disrespect. He just shook his head like nah. Joe just pointed that out and said it was suprising.

    And as far as something is only relevant if I agree with it…..you guys are all talking childish bullshit. Calling someone gay for them just cutting you up is something I would expect from a 12 year old. But as far as I know, you are all 12 year olds…..maybe I shouldn’t expect anything more.

    Anywhoo you guys have fun with your “State of the Warhammer” addresses. They’re really worth a read….

    I’m out kids.

  34. So captain fricken obvious was right you are showdown Joe’s number one cum guzzler. And as far as “straighting out the writer” I don’t think you did that at all. And yes Joe did distort what Anderson said, Anderson didn’t say anything about GSP of BJ not having anything for him, he just said he wasn’t overly impressed and that they both have their strengths and weaknesses. The Warhammer was right Joe was paid by the Canadian government to demonize Anderson for not kissing GSP’s ass and talking about how great he is. And you sir were instructed by Joe to get on here and try to take credability from the writer, but all you did was point out the obvious. The Canadians are behind this whole plot to ruin Anderson Silva and now the Warhammer.

  35. So I’m getting on here to see if anyone wrote anything worth reading and I see this Mac guy. All I can say is I told you guys. Mac is undoubtedly a flaming homosexual and a member of the Canadian government sent here to undermind my article and spread his anti Anderson Silva, anti Warhammer, pro Canada propaganda. Well Mac I think the people have spoken and they hate your guts. No one wants to here your B.S. No one wants to here you take up for showdown Joe. So Mac I speak for every red blooded American in here when I say take your opinion, shove it up your butt, and go report back the Canadian government that no one is buying your brand of garbage, you silly little gay boy. Not satisfied Mac, you rat skinny faggit, ok then here is my response to the following.
    1.Sorry to break it to you but you are clearly a dip shit looking for attention: And I thank you for giving your attention to me faggit.
    2.Showdown Joe Ferarro has been in the sport since you were a tadpole in your fathers coin purse: Sorry cock boy but I’m a little older than 10, although your spelling and grammer are about the level of a 10 year old.
    3.Canadian wrestlers are some of the best in the world and have the credentials to prove it: OH WOW! now your going out of your way to make stuff up. Name 2 gold medalists in the olympics that are Canadian, oh wait you can’t can you dick-breath.
    4.I guess you fail as a journalist: Well your reading what I was hired to write and spending allot of time writing about it. Guess you fail at life in general.
    5.clearly he’s awesome at that too since I’ve never heard of him: ask your mom and she will tell you all about me bitch.

  36. 7.”Writing ignorant offencive articles isnt a way to get fans”: ??????uhh did you really call me ignorant and then spell the word offensive like that, I mean seriously bro…your making this way to easy.
    8.”I do business there from time to time and know lots of them”: you go all the way to Canada to give guys blow jobs? Now thats commitment.
    9.”but at least you didn’t write the article.”: and neither did you actually, cause no one gives a shit about your opinion or your piss weak sense of humor.
    10.”Maybe we should leave the satire to the people who are in fact good at it”: everyone on here except for the gay Canadian thinks I’m good at satire. I’m gonna have to agree with everyone else MacFaggit.
    11.”The only joke here is that a web site would publish it”: No Mac the only joke here is you and all the time you devote to someone that you claim is so unimportant.
    12.”Why bother typing at all”: don’t know Mac you tell us since your such a wellspring of knowledge…asswhipe.
    13.”I know Joe personally and thats why I straitened out the writer.”: firstly you didn’t straighten anyone out, second I’m sure you know Joe real well seeing as you suck him off on the reg.
    14.”Anywhoo you guys have fun with your “State of the Warhammer” addresses. They’re really worth a read”: We know that Mac, thats why you spend all this time and energy reading and responding.

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